Uncertainties

It's that time of year again. Most varsity applications are actually closing today. And it's the second year I don't know what I'm doing or where I'll be.

It's funny how society has these expectations... This concept of "the norm", into which every so-called "normal" human being has to fit. And so that question is inevitable, wherever I go. It's pretty much the same every time: what are you going to do with your life? Then I think, what does that have to do with me anyway? Isn't God the author of my life? Why should I be "doing something" with it? 

But it seems as if there's no time to think in this fast-paced world, and should your course in any way deviate from this status quo, the results would be forever detrimental...

Now don't get me wrong- I'm not opposed to studying. Neither do I endorse sitting around and doing nothing. In fact, I believe, as stated in Ministry of Healing page 449, that we must reach for the highest development of our mental powers. However, so many of the quotes I've been reading lately point to something higher than the word "education" as commonly used today. And there are pages and pages of counsel regarding the dangers of a worldly education. Just think of Moses, having to spend 40 years unlearning what he had learned in the schools of Egypt (Patriarchs and Prophets page 248). You see, nothing is neutral. If our education is not bringing us closer to God, there is only one other alternative...

The most important thing is to be willing to go wherever He directs. We simply cannot go anywhere else safely. For example, unless God sends me to a university for the purpose of bringing souls to Him, I have no business going there. Quite a statement, to be sure, but isn't that what we're here for? Yes, we can be students, yes, we can pursue a career, but only as God leads us.

No, I still don't know what I'll be doing, but I do know that God has led me thus far, and I can have certainty that He will continue to guide me. I also know one thing I will never cease to study, and that is God's Word. "As a means of intellectual training, the Bible is more effective than any other book, or all other books combined." (Ed 124) I have more understanding than all my teachers: for thy testimonies are my meditation. Psalm 119:99

"Those who decide to do nothing in any line that will displease God, will know, after presenting their case before Him, just what course to pursue. And they will receive not only wisdom, but strength. Power for obedience, for service, will be imparted to them, as Christ has promised." DA 668

Appointments

A picture just flashed into my mind, and its similarity to the corner in my room I usually gravitate to first thing in the morning is striking. Only, this picture is different. The curtains are open, and the bright noonday sun shines in the window. Outside is a flurry of activity. This cheery scene should make the room inviting, but despite all this, it looks so cold, so clinical.

At first it makes no sense, but then I see it. My spot is empty, and He is still standing there, waiting...

Thinking of His face breaks me. The sadness...yet no condemnation. He will keep waiting. All He wants is to spend time with me. Could it be real? I've missed my appointment with Jesus, the Lover of my soul! And I could let it go by, without even bothering me?

With shame I think of how anxious I get at the thought of being late for other appointments- ones with mere mortals. I also picture my frustration, the inner rage when they are late for appointments with me. The contrast couldn't be wider.

Yes, He's waiting, He's calling for me, He LOVES me! And my response is so nonchalant as to leave Him waiting, or put Him on hold for something "more urgent". I chills me to the bone.

Will I ever learn? I'm so grateful that He never, NEVER gives up on me. No matter how many times I fall, He's still waiting to pick me up and start again.

"We shall often  have to bow down and weep at the feet of Jesus because of our shortcomings and mistakes, but we are not to be discouraged. Even if we are overcome by the enemy, we are not cast off, not forsaken and rejected of God. No; Christ is at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us." (SC 64)

That's my Jesus.